Arrependimentos terminais
02/01/13 03:00Poderia ser uma boa ideia para o final de ano. Em “Antes de Partir” (editora Jardim dos Livros), uma cuidadora especializada em doentes terminais fala do que eles mais se arrependem na hora de morrer.
A época, como se sabe, é boa para arrependimentos e resoluções, e não sofro especialmente de medo quando se trata de temas trágicos. Se alguém, como Bronnie Ware, aguentou tratar de pacientes desenganados por muitos anos, não seria impossível prestar um pouco de atenção no que ela quis contar.
Infelizmente, “Antes de Partir” acaba se revelando um livro de autoajuda, não muito diferente das dezenas que existem por aí. Às vésperas da morte, as pessoas com quem Bronnie Ware conversou não têm muito de notável a dizer.
Há cinco arrependimentos básicos, cada um dos quais explicado e reexplicado em capítulo próprio.
“Não deveria ter trabalhado tanto”, diz um dos pacientes. “Desejaria ter ficado em contato com meus amigos”, lembra outro. “Desejaria ter a coragem de expressar meus sentimentos”, confessa um terceiro. Outro alerta: “Não deveria ter levado a vida baseando-me no que esperavam de mim”.
Por fim, a chave de ouro: “Desejaria ter-me permitido ser mais feliz”. Claro que, nesse nível de generalidade, tudo se equivale. Mas esses arrependimentos também dizem um bocado sobre o tipo de personalidade mais comum em nossa época.
Há cem anos, ou 50, quem sabe, sem dúvida seriam outros os arrependimentos terminais. “Gostaria de ter sido mais útil à minha pátria”, diria alguém. “Gostaria de ter deixado um patrimônio maior para meus descendentes”, poderia suspirar o pai de família. “Deveria ter sido mais obediente a Deus”, confessaria um terceiro.
Ideias de autosacrifício, de dever, de empenho na construção do futuro da comunidade, tudo isso compunha um tipo de personalidade sem dúvida mais rígido e convencional, para quem os conceitos de honra, de virtude e de disciplina ainda faziam sentido.
É o que desaparece nos arrependimentos contemporâneos. Menos do que morrer com a sensação do nome limpo e do dever cumprido, morre-se com a sensação de um ego insatisfeito.
A insatisfação existe porque o ego, afinal, é insaciável. Por mais que eu me dedique a ser feliz em cada momento, a ser sincero com meus desejos, a fugir das obrigações, sempre vou achar que não me dediquei o bastante a mim mesmo. A vida autocentrada será, desse modo, inevitavelmente frustrante. Mais que isso, vida e frustração se tornam sinônimos. Quando o paciente terminal reclama de não ter pensado mais em si mesmo, ele no fundo está reclamando apenas de não estar podendo viver mais.
Não digo, é claro, que seja fácil morrer em qualquer circunstância. Mas o problema dos pacientes de Bronnie Ware, e dos leitores de seu livro, não é a falta de autoajuda. É o excesso de autoajuda; quem só se preocupa em atender a si mesmo sempre se sentirá desatendido.
O paradoxo é que a autora, conforme vai contando suas experiências, demonstra uma extrema capacidade para se dedicar aos outros. É vegetariana, por que não suporta a ideia de ver animais sacrificados. Depois de muitos anos prestando conforto a pacientes terminais, resolveu dar aulas de música para detentas (ela também compõe canções no estilo folk) e, para mudar um pouco de ambiente, faz shows para crianças em idade pré-escolar.
Nascida na Austrália, Bronnie Ware largou seu trabalho num banco para levar uma vida errante, e começou seu trabalho de cuidadora meio por acaso, no interior da Inglaterra.
É possível que tratar de pacientes terminais corresponda ao desejo de mudar sempre de casa, de vida e de lugar; durante um tempo Bronnie Ware morou no próprio carro, que aliás caía aos pedaços. A depressão, e um quase suicídio, estavam à espreita.
Ela se considera uma “doadora natural” –e sua maior dificuldade está, diz ela, em saber receber a ajuda dos outros. Com certa maldade, seria possível observar que no mundo da autoajuda perfeita ninguém estaria ligando muito para ajudá-la de qualquer modo.
Mas não é verdade. Seu livro tem um precedente respeitável na filosofia de Alain (1868-1951), para quem só as pessoas felizes podem ajudar plenamente o próximo. A felicidade não é um direito, dizia; é um dever. Que cada um cumpra o seu em 2013.
Jennell Schmick
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